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Things I've Noticed

More energy. The circles under my eyes are gone. I am more likely to be on time. I am more prepared. I have better hygiene.

I stayed sober from September 21, 1997 for about 100 days. I relapsed thinking I could keep using and stay in control. Though my drug use wasn't daily, my feelings were bad. I was lying, especially to my boyfriend who was also in recovery. One night I called him, feeling especially bad. Imagine my surprise and relief when he told me he had been using. I went to a meeting that night and told of my relapse. Again, imagine my surprise when people applauded my return. They were not disappointed or disgusted with me. Instead, they were warm and kind.

The attitude of the fellowship, my relapse and my previous attitude about both using and sobriety all swirled together and out came a new concept: Patience. After that meeting I felt differently about my recovery. Gently and patiently I have proceeded. When I feel anxious about anything I ask God, as I know God, to restore my patience. Progress is happening, quietly and slowly.

Projects that I started a year ago and could not finish because of my addiction are now being completed. My feelings about myself and my work improve daily. As this happens, my cravings for drugs and the desire to use continue to decrease. What a great cycle! Daily I ask God for patience with myself. Daily I thank God for the opportunity to maintain my new attitude.

Recovery is not easy. There are many doubts and faith is easily lost. When my faith is at all weakened, that is the time I reach for God and the fellowship, and ask for a reminder. Inevitably I am reminded and rewarded with God's presence in my life. I feel God is patient with me. As I put my trust in God, recovery becomes easier, and my progress becomes more obvious to me.

-- Andrea
November, 1998

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